I did it!

I am so proud of myself! I have been running and training for my half marathon in May and my long run last week was 6 miles. I seriously thought I wouldn't be able to finish. Or at least stop and walk a lot and that I would end up crawling home. 

I started my run and the first two miles were brutal. I thought there's no way I'll be able to finish I'm already dying. But I kept going. I'm not sure what happens but between 2 and 3 miles I flipped a switch. My legs finally stopped hurting, my breathing was even and I had a good rhythm going. I got to three miles and I wanted to jump in the air and dance because I made it halfway and I thought "oh yeah I can do this!" My first three miles I ran in 40 min and my last three I did in 30! I cruised right thru them! Not only did I cruise but I LOVED it. I went on some back roads and the sun was coming out and was beautiful. Finally I got to the point where running is still hard but it's enjoyable now and I could definitely feel like I improved! I had a moment of "I can do this!" Instead of 

"why the heck did I sign up for a 1/2 marathon!?"

Today I am super sore but I know tomorrow's run will help loosen my muscles a little and I'll feel better after. I can't wait!

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Grandpa's girls!

Yesterday when Doug and I took the girls over to his parents yesterday his dad was mowing the lawn and of course charlie loved wanted to ride with him. I was a little nervous about her ears with a loud mower but a few minutes couldn't hurt. She loved riding with her grandpa and as soon as she got off Bella said "my turn!" 

My girls are so loved by this man!

Mom and Dad Date with Bella!

A few months ago Bella and I planned to go see Annie together for a mommy daughter date and unfortunately I let too much time go by so I decided to make it up to her by taking her to see Cinderella! Then doug said he wanted to come too. Tag along. Bella and I let him in on our girls night and dropped off charlie with my mom.

We had such a good time with our Bellsie! She loved having one on one time with her parents. I can't believe how big she's getting. She's so cute and fun! 

A quick update!

I've been a terrible blogger lately which I hate because my memory isn't very reliable and I don't want to forget any of these moments.

Anyway a little update on my favorites. I'll start with charlie since she is probably my ghe one who's changed the most. She is now ONE! I can't believe it! I knew time would go by fast but it's going by even faster than before. We had a fun little party to celebrate nothing too spectacular but it was fun! All her favorite people came and helped celebrate her very first birthday. She is so loved by our family. It makes me so happy. 

She is also such a little sour patch kid. She is the sweetest little thing. 

She snuggles so sweetly and then ask for a million kisses which I just love. But before you know it she's pulling her sisters hair and laughing when she screams. And don't you dare tell her no because she will immediately start sobbing. 

She also started walking at ten months! I couldn't believe it. I wasn't expecting her to walk until after she turned one. It's so cute watching someone so little walk around. Her favorite part of the day (besides eating) is walking to the bus stop to pick up her sister. 

Speaking of her sister....she recently got a hair cut and loves "showing off" her new bangs and short hair (that isn't even short.) 

We also signed her up for mini vikes again this year and I'm happy to report that she is doing WAY this year than she did last year. She is actually running towards the ball and trying to kick the ball into the goal. It's super cute! 

She did so well we decided to sign her up for spring soccer! She doesn't need cleats or shin guards for mini vikes but she does for spring soccer and you can bet your bottom dollar that I loved getting her new gear. It's so cute! I'm a little embarrassed of how into the game I get into her silly little game (that they don't even keep score at.) but I really cheer and yell....I'm that mom. My poor kids. 

But at least they are cute. I took this on Sunday. It's impossible to get a picture of both of them smiling and I tried go on sudnay since they were "matchymatchy." Im a sucker for Costco and matching outfits. But I got this and I loved it because charlie is begging for a snack (that we were trying to bribe her with) and  Bella is looking at her so lovingly. She is the greatest big sister! She loves her even when charlie is being mean to her. I tell Bella that being the big sister really is tough sometimes. 

Now a doug update!! I'm excited because I don't update on him very often but but I feel like he's been awesome lately. Always really but I'm just super grateful for this guy. He's so hardworking and such a softy with our girls. He is finally, FINALLY on day shifts! Something we took for granted for so long but it has been wonderful having dinner with him every night. It makes the days go by even faster. He also got his second raise and got us our dream car! It's not new. In fact much older than our current car but we both love it. We are now going to sell my jeep and in 12 months we will be 100% debt free!!! All thanks to this guy. He has taught me so much. And he really works so hard for our family. I'd say I owe him for life but I had two of his kids so I think we're almost even.

Now onto myself. I had been feeling like such a mediocre mom for a while and I decided enough is enough. I cut myself some slack, took the pressure off and thought I'd just try my best every day. I'm happy to report it worked. I'm not so worried about having a clean house but making sure I'm enjoying my babies while they are still babies. 

I snuggle charlie when she wants to and forget about the laundry and dishes. Bella and I have read 5 junie b jones books together the last month and played a million games together. Our new favorite I got for a steal of a

Deal ($1.99) is guess who!

Let's face it. I'm sick of shoots and latters and candy land. This game was more for me than her. I've also been waking up before these girls so I can run and shower. It makes the day a lot smoother. And I have to run because I did a half crazy thing and signed up for a half marathon. 

I thought it was the only way to keep myself motivated and accountable because every day matters. I'm super out of shape and it's getting out of hand. When you don't feel good about yourself you have to take control and do something about it and I did. My sister signed up with me! Now don't worry my goal isn't to finish in an hour in half but to know I prepared enough and finish it. 

Last week I complete freaked myself out and I over trained. I ran hard and Pushed myself for 5 days thinking I needed to get in shape now and that 3 days a week wasn't enough. My sister took me if the ledge and reminded me that we had time to train and to not strain my out if shape body too much so I don't get burnt out. 

I'm excited for my big goal! It's pretty overwhelming sometimes but I know I can do it! 

 

A good day.

I haven't felt like the best mom ever lately. I haven't felt like I've been enjoying my children like I should. Today was not one of those days and because of that I don't want to forget it.

Today wasn't anything special. I got both girls ready and Bella and I were having such a good time talking and getting her ready that we were almost late for school.

I was even able to squeeze a nice nap in which I think is half the reason to our great day because I honestly felt like a new woman when I woke up! I got out the door and Headed to Costco. The only two things I really needed from there was diapers And gas which i did both but since we had no where to be and j was in a good mood we just browsed and waisted time. Bella showed me all the toys she wanted Santa to get her, charlie sampled the snacks they had and we just had a good time being girls! Bella got some new fleece lined legging which made me the best mom ever in Bellas eyes. 

Next was target, which I needed nothing from. Looked at all the clothes and when we left I decided "I don't feel like cooking." So off the McDonald's we went and I got Bella a happy meal which she said "mom your the best!! I'll love you forever." And as I gave charlie a French fry I could see it in her eyes that she said it too ;) 

In other words, i waisted time today, didn't clean, didn't cook a healthy meal. We are junk food but at the end of the day I felt like a winner in my daughters eyes. I never yelled. I wasn't distracted on my phone. I was with my girls, we laughed. I was grateful to be their mom. I was grateful that doug works so hard  so that I can stay home and enjoy my kids. I am grateful that I was present and fully enjoyed my babies. My heart is full tonday. 

Total mom moment.

Every day my alarm on my phone goes off at 3pm to pick up Bella from the bus stop. I looked at my phone at 2:55 and got a head start (because I need it now that it's cold) and got my shoes on and grabbed my jacket from my room. Right at 3 my phone goes off I pick up charlie to put her coat on and I notice she's stinky so I take her to her room to change her and get her ready to go and of course as I move my hand I notice it's wet. I look at her back and she had a MAJOR blow out up to her neck! 

I don't have time for this mess but what's a mom to do when her baby is covered in poop? I hurry and strip her, run to the bathroom and scrub her body really fast. Don't wash her hair because it's cold outside. I got her dressed (pajamas of course) quicker than quick and I'm out the door in ten minutes. Lucky for me my neighbor is nice and is already walking Bella home since I was obviously late picking her up. 

Thank you charlie for exploding in between 2:55 and 3. 

My brain at midnight.

Charlie's first birthday is coming up and it's starting to scare me but not for the reason you would expect. Yes, I can't believe she'll be one in 6 weeks and all that jazz but mostly I can't believe I still don't have any idea of when doug and I will be ready to have baby #3. I know your probably wondering "areli, calm down she'll only be one." But I have a few fears. I'm afraid I'll never feel ready but I know I want another baby. I'm afraid doug will never feel ready even though I know he doesn't feel done yet either. I'm afraid I'll feel ready and not be able to get pregnant for a long time and my babies won't be close in age again. I'm afraid I won't be able to get pregnant at all and feel that ache in my heart again. I'm afraid charlie might be my last baby and I'm not appreciating her enough. Will I never have a son? Will I never have another daughter? 

Believe me I have been praying about when will be the right time and I am still unsure. Will I wait 6 months? Will I wait another year? Will I wait a year, feel ready and not be able to get pregnant for another year and a half? 

I'm not sure. All I know is I need to have faith. I need to trust Heavenly Father and remember no matter the outcome, no matter my feeling during the process in the end I will feel heavenly fathers love. He will hold me up when I feel like falling. 

I wish I had a magic number the perfect number of months or years to wait to have a child. But I know well enough that there is no magic number and my plan and Doug's plan doesn't really matter. The uncertainty is the worst. I wish I could look into a crystal ball and see a glimpse of the future.